As life ground away the carefree, restless movie star energy, something else came in its place. A deep-seated, sad kindness. His heart was the size of the Baltic Sea, so great that in the end his love and sorrow burst it at its seams.
When you next meet her, be proud, be yourself. That shows that you respect her and her choices, and that you respect yourself, and that you respect the fact that humans are meant to give love a chance to blossom. It will show that you respect Life.
When the baby is born, the woman and the man are reborn as well. We have to shed so many of the conventions and outer trappings that we have clung to, and begin to build ourselves from the core. The babies have the hardest job, teaching their parents to become human beings in a wider sense.
At some point, life throws down the gauntlet and forces us to take up the challenge: we must begin to unravel the subconscious beliefs and needs that have led to the relationships we have. That's the moment we also wonder whether all that falling in love and getting hurt was ”worth it”. The answer is yes.
I like to think that being separated from my children for half their childhoods has made me a better mother, and family life more valued for us all. It is easier to pick one’s battles, stop and really absorb their wishes and views in those periods of separation and silence. It makes the time we do have together precious.
A friend uses the term "Marriage Island" to describe that state of comfort and safety that people in long relationships inhabit. She claims that the ones "on the island" are buffered from some of the more violent experiences of life, and consequently may not always need to study themselves or their surroundings very carefully. I wonder.